Ta'Liana, Khajiit swordswoman for hire

Meet Ta'Liana. Like most Khajiit, she likes to talk in the third person.

Hello, dis one'z name is Ta'Liana. This one killz things for money. Or that would be the caze if she was being offered thingz to kill for ze money. However, this has not happened yet. She came to Zkyrim, seeking a chance to kill ze elvez. She hears they are not so liked here, and she would like to make ending them for good money. You zee, Thalmor are not zo nice back home, but little zhe can do there. But so far, all she get is sore feet. And for what?

 To end up lost, alone, in ze middle of the night, hungry, in a place that smells like bugz. That is... that is... let this one look at her map....

... Zee bumfug in ze middle of nowhere. And Ta'Liana doez not like zis bug smell, bringz back memories of mother's cooking. Maybe asking ze locals will find her ze work, yes?

 Ze orc... he haz nothing for me.

 Okay, Mr. Fur-in-a-jar, zis one waz not planning to mine, but she will bite. What iz zee problem with ze mine?

 Oh... oh my... :3

Zis soundz like a job for Ta'Liana, yes? She will help you. She seeks glory.

 And ze Ta'Liana is off to save ze day! Yez!

 And, maybe zis will be useful in ze mine.... one never knows....

TA'LIANA SHALL TAKE HER REVENGE ON YOU! MOTHER COULD NEVER COOK YOU WELL!!!!

  DEATH TO YOU! YOU ARE NOT DELIZIOUS!!!

 THERE ARE MORE UNTASTY TREATS!?!

 Hee hee... Ta'Liana may not like ze way they taste, but zay feel zqueeshy inbetween her toes.

 Well, zince Ta'Liana has ze unrestricted access to ze mine, she might as well make use of eet.

 Yes, Ta'Liana is ze greatest of Khajiit thieves, she shall steal gems from the Earth itself!

 Ta'Liana likez this... now, after robbing the Earth, Ta'Liana shall claim her rewardz.

 Yesss, and Ta'Liana wantz her reward. No, she wantz not just zeptims, but zee powers of your mind. She wantz your KNOWLEDGE, for GLORY! And to zpread her ztory throughout ze land.

 ... And Ta'Liana has magical Nord skillz now to make the steel better.

 Yes, it iz ze gloriouz day for Ta'Liana, nothing could ruin her mood. Nothing at all.

 A beautiful perfect day. She haz killed the zpider-bugz, she did not have to eat zem, and... what iz thiz?

 Oh... this is... he is... oh.....

 ... this is.... oh...

  FREE THINGZ!!!! Yay for the free thingz!!! Ze day just keepz getting better....

And ZE ALCHOLZ!!! OH YEEZZZ!!!!

 Zis... What is Zis?

 Ze Legion? Zis legion, whatever it iz, it zounds very dangerouz. Zis one will be avoiding zem.

 What iz zis nagging feeling...

Oh... Zis one's mother told Ta'Liana about it... ze shoulder bird. Zere is a shoulder bird and a shoulder Lizard, and ze shoulder bird nags you until you do what it tellz you to do, and it won't shut up until you do, but you can't eat it... and it tellz me to tell ze town, to warn them of Legion.

 Oh, zo ze Nords have rocks for blood? Zis would make ze weaponz harder to hurt you. Too bad for ze guards. Guess they were not of ze Nords. All of you hairless Khajiit look ze zame to me. Oh well, I'll warn ze next town then.

 Zis one is zinging ze running zong... Zipadee do daa, zipadee ay....

 Oh.... oh iz zis town to warn...?

Hmm... Ta'Liana thinks maybe zis wazn't so friendly town. Oh well, hopefully next one actually willingly pay for her zervices.

To be continued....

2 new hard drives, 1 new motherboard, 1 new mouse, 1 new uninterruptable power supply, 1 new internet connection, 3 new OS installs later, I FINALLY have a fully functioning computer again.

That said, Iron Skyrim will soon continue...

However, after the last runs, going to mix it up a little this time.

Which mods should I play with?
What race of character should I play?
What playstyle should I go with (mage? sneaky? brute? kind? evil?)

Leave your suggestions in the comments section. After thanksgiving break, I'll begin again with mods based on what readers want.

FYI  for those waiting for another update...

My computer is having issues, and Skyrim is not functioning for me. I'm waiting for replacement parts to come in the mail, Iron Skyrim will continue after that.

A xenobiological response to a paleontologist's analysis of skyrim dragons

In response to: https://twitter.com/afewbugs/status/381841849779879938



It is part of the lore of the Elder Scrolls series that this is not Earth, afterall. So it'd be weird to expect things to have the same evolutionary history. Further, it's very obvious that this world's evolutionary history did not evolve from Earth origins, but evolved in Parallel (one example of this is the "human" races of Tamriel. Although they at first appear to be human, a look at their eyes will reveal that their eyeballs are significantly larger than ours. 

Further, if you notice the gait, it is more angular and less fluid than a human's, indicating a more rudimentary muscular structure. At first, I was also thrown by the width of the dragon's wings, assuming they'd need to be larger for flight. Although from investigating Skyrim and traveling from one side of it to the other, compared with a full map of Tamriel, I concluded that they are able to fly due to a decreased planetary mass (and thereby, lower gravitational pull). This would also explain the reduced musculature in the "humanoid" species, as the energy requirements to move would be lessened, putting less selective pressure on muscle development. This lower gravity is further emphasized by the presence of giant spiders and other giant insect life (not to mention the cumbersome mudcrabs); which would not be possible in a heavier gravitational pull.

Now, delving further into the Xenobiology, use of the abilities to "summon Daedra" will reveal that their physiology is very similar to that of the humanoid races. (Everything from Redguards to Kahjit). This indicates to me that they likely have related backgrounds, as that much evolution in parallel is downright statistically improbable. Further, we have seen "ascension" of multiple humanoids and Daedra (Tiber Septim into Talos for the humans, The Tribunal for the elves, and some rumors of the hist and larger forms that are more common for the "beast" races, and Daedric princes for the Daedra). This strongly suggests that Daedra/Aedra, the "Man & Mer" races, and the beastman races all share a common ancestor, as they all seem to have this rarely used capability to go through a butterfly-like metamorphosis. Thus I'm inclined to assume that all the "humanoid" races are actually evolved from insects.

Iron Skyrim Continues

Iron Skyrim Continues

Update: This plan is not working so well.... apparantly something is conflicting with Frostfall, meaning going an environmental death variant of Iron Skyrim isn't going to work so well. I need to figure stuff out more to make this work.

Well, a few mod updates and finally getting the Dragonborn DLC, due to conflicts, completely destroyed my ability to continue Iron Skyrim for a time. So the mod list has had to be rebuilt. My previous mods? Whatever they were, I don't recall. So, instead, I've added a whole new list of mods.

Now, a number of them specifically increase difficulty. I gave a few runs, and found I was lucky to last five minutes without dying. This doesn't make for a good story. (And I've found that enemies doing critical auto-kill moves can end most Ironman runs REALLY fast.)

So, instead, I'm going to try a different set of Ironman rules for the next character. Since I've included hypothermia... if my character dies as a result of environmental effects, they're dead. Combat deaths allow respawns. However, this comes at a cost..... all gear my character uses MUST be self-made. They can't buy equipment or use loot. All equipment must be crafted. (Yes, this includes player home. I won't use any pre-fab home, but will have to use the hearthfire self-building homes.)


Before I go into the next bout of Iron Skyrim, I figure I might as well share the mods.

So, in no particular order...

• T3nd0s Skyrim Redone
• Gifts of the Outsider - Dishonored in Skyrim
• Character Creation Overhaul 
• Frostfall (Adds environmental effects, such as hypothermia)
• SKSE (By itself, does nothing, but needed for other mods)
• SkyUI (Pretties up menus, and required for some mods)
• Extra Encounters - Dawnguard
• Extra Encounters - Higher Spawn Rate
• Extra Encounters - Dragonborn
• Arthmoor's Unofficial patches (Skyrim, Dawnguard, Dragonborn, Hearthfire, High Resolution)
• Field Alchemy
• No More FastTravel
• More Carriages (to balance in regards to no more fast travel)
• Archmage Spellcrafting
• Craftable Scrolls
• Oblivion Style Healing
• Dispose of Corpses
• Morrowind Music
• Spells of the Third Era
• Old School Spells
• Morrowind-Colored Soul Gems
• True RPG
• Kill Anyone, Anytime
• Flyable Broomstick
• Open Cities Skyrim
• Golden Saints
• Morrowind Tribunal Weapon Pack
• Candles of the North: Morrowind-esque wielded candles
• Bestial Hunger - Werewolf Bloodlust
• Artifacts of Morrowind: Ring of Phynaster
• Mabynna's Spirit Summons
• Beastieary of Solsthiem
• Divayth Fyr Companion
• Sixth House Bell Hammer
• Chrysamere
• Ashland Amulets
• BiPolar Blade
• The Fork of Horripilation
• Mace of Aevar Stone-Singer
• Mudcrab Merchant
• Morrowind Potion Names
• Ice Blade of the Monarch
• The Aradraen
• Old Good Glass
• Khajiit "Eye of Fear"
• Usable Keening
• Morrowind Skooma
• Morrowind's Moons
• Moon-and-star
• Morrowind's Legendary Rings
• Domino's Mudcrab Merchant
• Divine Intervention
• GoldBrand
• Books Books Books 2
• Better Quest Objectives
• Mark & Recall
• INIGO

The continuing adventures in Iron Skyrim....

This edition of Iron Skyrim continues the adventures of Grida, the opportunistic "Acrobat" Orc, who was recently enjoying an energetic swim...

"Hey, I see a town over there, Mr. Voice-In-My-Head, I bet there's all kinds of stuff that should belong to me there. It's all pretty and ****."



Hey, I hear something beh...

 "Ha! Take that!"

Did... did you just beat a mudcrab in sharp fisticuffs?

"Yes.... and now I have my lunch plans."

Oh... goody...

 "Hey, what do you know, a place that probably has stuff in it."

Is that how you look at EVERY house you see?

"Only ones I haven't seen before. If its one I HAVE seen before, its just as likely to be completely empty."

".... fair... enough?"

"Hey look! They left some unguarded barrels outside!"

 "It looks tasty, but you know what I think is a GREAT idea?"

Oh no, please don't tell me you're going to...

"Hey mister Honeymead salesman, want to buy some honeymead?"

I... can't believe you pulled that off.... you sold him the merchandise you just stole from him...

"I'm just that good... now, while he's being confused counting his stock, lets sneak into his back room and..."

"Huh, sounds like someone is putting the lean on this place."

That's horrible.

"Yea, I mean, why isn't it me that's getting to write letters like this?"

You know, I've said how horrible you are before... but I'm just out of words for it at this point, so just pretend that I said something that somehow sounds more surprised at how bad you are than the previous times... 

"The second page of the letter mentioned Riften, I'll have to remember that place, sounds fun."

...wait, you emptied the entire back room that fast?

"Why not?"

 There's someone putting a lean on the guy, things are tough, have you no sympathy?

"Yep. I don't have my own meadery, and both this guy and the letter-writer have meaderys, I have plenty of sympathy for my situation."

 "Oh well, onto the main town..."

Great, what trouble will you cause there?

 Well, looks like we're stuck not going in, too bad, lets go somewhere where you'll do less harm...

"Not so fast, I have an idea on how to get in... I'll just use my feminine charms to get in."

I'm a little surprised you pulled that off.

"I know, no one can resist these babies."

I don't think that's why we got in.

"I jiggled a little, didn't I? We got in didn't we? I'm telling you, he opened that door because of my sexual allure."

I'm pretty certain the reason he opened the door was because you made him need to rush in and yak in the outhouse."

"You stick to your story, I'm sticking to mine."

Hey, a guard's coming towards us, mentioning he recognizes you...

"Oh ****, he knows about that wife I killed back in Riverwood, I'm so going to jail, sooooo going to...."

The fee is pretty low.

"Seriously? Heck yea, I'll pay that. If I can kill people and only pay that price, I'll do it all **** day!"

Wait, there's more....  

"Nooooooooo!!!! MY STUFFFFF!!!!!!!! I BLAME YOU, VOICE-IN-MY-HEAD, I BLAME YOUUUUU!!!! I SHOULDA RUN, BUT NOOOOOO, YOU'RE LIKE 'THE PRICE IS CHEAP' and I'm all like 'OKAY', I KNEW THERE HAD TO BE  A CATCH!!!!"

  Hey, he dropped that on the end without warning us, I know I didn't see it coming.

"Yea, he did, that SNEAKY M*****-******!! THAT BASTARD!" 

He's not even going back to the castle with it, he's just continuing on his duties like nothing happened...

"WHAT THE ****? THAT.... oh... that's good. He's clever... I wonder if he's taken?"

 Oh my....

 "Oh for ****'s sake, that priest is annoying. I mean seriously, he's droning on so loud, it's obnoxious. Someone should do something."

 Just ignore it, he's not hurting anyone, and he's got some valid compla....

"You know what, I'm going to help out this fair town, be a hero, fix this menace..."

 You're... WHAT!?!

"Alright, in position..."

No, no no no no nono nooo....

"Shush, you're going to spoil my aim, I gotta time it while noone sees me and get it in one shot so he doesn't yell..."

NO! STOP! DON'....

"THERE!"

....T DO I....

"Hey, he didn't have bad loot on him."

I don't care, there's no way you're going to justify this....

"Of course I will. I'll gladly pay the merchant's fee. 1 gold for one bit of helping out the community. Where's a guard, I'll take care of it right now, show you I'm willing to handle this proper.." 

"F***"

"Well, at least I got to keep his stuff, including keys, I got myself a house!"

...  you hurt a poor innocent m...

"Now lets see what's in his..."

"He's not so innocent now, is he?"

What the? How did you? But...

"Its the loud, obnoxious 'better-than-thou' types that are always hiding some skeletons in their closet. The ones who mean it are usually quieter and less judgemental."

That's... surprisingly insightful from you.

"Naw, I'm just pulling stuff out of my ***, pure luck he was hidin' dead people."

... Now I don't know which part you're pulling my leg, and which part you're being honest about.

"Heh, I'll never tell, keep ya guessing. ;) "

 "You know what though, Mr. Voice-in-my-head?"

What?

"This place is too political, too up in its own business... everyone I overhear got a cause, an axe they're grinding... I don't really fit in..."

 So?

"So... I'm leaving town. Right now.."

Where too?

"Well, that place that other meadery was from... it sounded like they knew how to handle business there... Riften, I think its name is? Let's go." 

You know... I think I can actually respect that decision. 

 "See? Extortion with gatekeeping, I TOTALLY am cool with a town. With a corrupt town, you know where you stand, a little extra gold, and the world's in your pocket."

Oddly, you're right, you do fit in more... but you can't get in..

"That's the other part about corrupt..."

 What?

"Corrupt towns are also lazy towns. Which means if you DON'T have the money, all you need..."

 "... is to put in a little more creative work, a little legwork..."

"... and you can almost always find another way."

Huh, I never thought of it that way...

"Wait... there's a THIEVE'S GUILD? I LOVE this town! I'm going to join right now! ... if I can just find out where it is."

*smirks* I thought you were an acrobat.

"Exactly."

So where are you going to find out how to find them?

"Search the place in town with access everywhere that noone ever goes." 

 You're going sewer crawling?

"I prefer to think of it as acrobatic exploring."

You know what? Although I hate most of what you do, I have to admit, you do have some skills...






"Did YOU just give me a complim...."

And then Gilda was ambushed by a bum in the sewers.  She didn't even see it coming. (Picture lightened, because it was so dark. She couldn't see the bum, but he could see her.)